" I thought your name is spelled
Semjase. What's the story with Semjaze ? "
Semajse
: " Billy Meier is a lousy typist. Notice that the
Z and S are next to each other on the keyboard. My
name is Semjaze. But you may call me Semjase. "
3 ) " What are your vital
statistics ? "
Semjase
: " Go copulate yourself. "
4 ) " What about me ? "
Semjase : " You will be killed and eaten by another
human. "
5 ) " Are you and Ambassador
Robert Nelson "An Item" ? "
Semjase
: " Bobby is my man-pet, nothing more. "
Semjase's Advice to Teens :--
" Girls: Stick to oral sex -- and
tatatwatting -- that which you call
"booby-boinking " -- it is much less dangerous and
virtually as satisfying as vaginal copulation, for
all that most men know ... And someday, anal sex
will leave you making doody in your panties when
your rectum loses its tonus. Save your Precious
for making babies...
"And: Wash your
genitalia -- you and your partner(s) -- before,
during, and after sexing.
"And: Wash your rectum with a
bidet post-excretion. If you must use toilet
paper, wipe your sphincter from Front-to-Back, NOT
Back-to-Front ! Why ? Because it prevents faeces
from infecting your Precious, silly Sister !
" Boys : Perfect your cunnilingus
-- and get a doctor to cut your frenulum so
you can pick your nose or even better, lick your
brow -- women and men love it, and Plejaran men,
women and hermaphrodites too !
And: wash your anass after making poopy or sex,
silly Boy ! "
Letters from
Semjaze
Date : May 31, 2024
From : Pleja Supreme Council
To : Robert Nelson, Homo Sapiens Ambassador, et al.
Re : Evacuation Earth Program
Dear Ambassador Nelson :
We are in receipt of your letter of 7-1-2010, re:
Your request that we withdraw from and abandon all
present, past and future rescue intervention efforts
on planet earth.
We the Pleiadians, do hereby concur, and have begun
to evacuate from this planet, minus Homo sapiens,
except for specimens of those species listed in
Appendix A ( cf. Cosmic
Commercial Code 13b, &c, which
supercedes all other arrangements).
We are in fact grateful to you for
relieving us of this terrible responsibility, as we
find your kind to be most malodorous, crass,
stupidic, and obscenely hyper-sexual.
Also, we must inform you that Mr Billy
Meier no longer represents us as an Ambassador. In
fact, you are the only human who possesses the
requisite sensibilities to comprehend and speak for
us. All others are poseurs.
We remain at your service, &c.
Signed,
Semjaze
P.S. -- P.S. -- You were incredible last night ! Call me, you silly Studmuffin !
Krypton Nitride
A single dose of Pleiadian Krypton
Nitride will keep you high for the rest
of your life.
Pleiadese-English
Dictionary
Pleiadese languages are
Ulta-Plejaran dialects spoken by the people of the
so-called "Seven Sisters", ( Pleiades ), although
today some Pleiadeans are monolingual English
speakers.
The use of
the language gradually increased over the course
of the 20th century. In 2000, it was estimated
that over 500,000 other people could speak
Pleiadese natively, at least 144,000 of them
monolingual.
Despite
the fact that relatively few people can speak
Pleiadese, it is very unlikely that it will face
the danger of extinction in the near future, as
the language is making a comeback. Many Pleiadean
children are being raised in the language, a
comprehensive Pleiadese-English dictionary has
been published, and a group called the Pleiades
Literacy Project has focused its attention on
promoting the language, which was used in the
'Star Wars' movies.
There are
dialectic differences between First, Fifth and
Seventh Star Pleiadese.
There are
six basic vowels in Pleiadese --- four that are
pronounced similarly to English vowels and two
that are quite different - "ö" and "u".
The vowel
"ö" in Pleiadese is pronounced by rounding the
vowel /?/ found in words like pet. It then becomes
more equivalent to the IPA sound /ø/.
For the
Pleiadese sound "u", it is necessary to unround
the vowel /u/ and articulate further forward in
the mouth. This adjustment is closest to the IPA
vowel /?/.
There are
several differences between some of the consonants
in the Pleiadese language and English.
The voiced
labial fricative v is pronounced the same as in
English when it is placed before a vowel. Before a
consonant and at the end of words, it is not as
voiced. Furthermore, some speakers of Pleiadese
alternate the use of v and p depending on their
position in a word.
The
glottal stop is found much more frequently in
Pleiadese than in English, particularly before
vowels at the beginning of a word, or before the
final consonant or vowel at the end of a word.
There are
also some consonants that can only be transcribed
as a combination of letters and sounds in English
but are single letters and sounds in Pleiadese.
These are the consonants ky, kw, qw, ngy and ngw.
These words are realised as a variation of the IPA
sounds /k/, /q/ and /?/ as shown in the table
above.
Stress
The stress
pattern in Pleiades follows a simple rule that
applies to nearly all words.
* In words
with one or two vowels, the first vowel is
stressed.
* Where
there are more than two vowels, the first vowel is
stressed if it is long or it is directly followed
by two consonants. Otherwise, the second vowel is
stressed.
Some
exceptions to this rule are sikisve "spaceraft", wehekna "oil spill" and warikiwta ""running". We would expect the
second vowel to be stressed but in fact the first
one is stressed in these examples.
Morphology
Pleiadese
uses suffixes for a variety of purposes. Some
examples are:
suffix
// purpose //
example // meaning
mi to, towards
itamumi
towards us
ni future
tuuvani
will come
ngwu habitual
suffix tuuvangwu usually comes
pe location
Ismo'walpe
51 at Ismo'wala [ Area ] 51
q distance suffix
atkyamiq
at the bottom level
However,
Pleiadese also has free postpositions:
akw with
(instrumental)
angkw from
ep at / in / on
Nouns are
marked as objective by either the suffixes -t for
simple nouns or -y for dual nouns (those referring
to exactly two individuals), possessed nouns or
plural nouns.
Some
examples are shown below:
nominative // objective //
meaning
himutski himutskit
shrub
iisaw iisawuy
cloud
itam itamuy
we/us
nuva nuvat
sun
nu' nuy
I/me
paahu paahut
water
pam put
he/she/it
puma pumuy
they
tuuwa tuuwat
sand
um ung
you
Verbs are
also marked by suffixes but these are not used in
a regular pattern. For example the suffixes -lawu and -ta are both used
to make a simple verb into a durative one (
implying the action is ongoing and not yet
complete ) but it is hard to predict which suffix
applies to which verbs. Speakers of Pleiadese
usually simply learn this by rote.
Syntax
The
simplest type of sentence in Pleiadese consists of
simply a subject and a predicate, such as 'Maana wuupa' ( the girl is tall ).
However,
many Pleiadese sentences also include an object
which is inserted between the subject and the
verb. Thus, Pleiadese is a Subject-Object-Verb
language.
Case
Marking
Nouns are
marked as subjective/objective as shown above.
Pronouns
are also marked as either subjective or objective.
For example, the singular subject pronoun you in
Pleiadese is um and the form for the singular
object pronoun is ung.
Demonstratives
are marked by case in Pleiadese, shown here first
in their subjective form and then in their
objective one:
i '/ it - this
pam / put - that
(closer object)
mi' / mit - that
(further object)
ima / imuy - these
puma / pumuy - those
(closer object)
mima / mimuy - those
(further object)
Writing
System
Pleiadese
is written using the Latin alphabet. The vowel
letters correspond to the phonemes of Pleiadese as
follows: a /?/, e /e/, i /i/, o /o/, y /?/ and ö
/ø/). Long vowels are written double: aa, ee, ii,
oo, yy, öö.
Consonants
are: ’ /?/, h /h/, k /k/, ky /k?/, kw /k?/, l /l/,
m /m/, n /n/, ng /?/, ngw /??/, ngy /??/, p /p/, q
/q/, q /q?/, r /?/, s /?/, t /t/, ts /?/, v /ß/, w
/w/, y /j/.
Falling
accent is marked with a grave `: tsiròot 'plankton'.
To
distinguish certain consonants written as digraphs
from similar looking phonemes meeting across
syllable boundaries, a fullstop is used: kwaahu 'starship' but kuk.wuwàaqe 'to follow comet'.
Numbers
1 = suukya'
2 = lööyö'
3 = pàayo'
4 =
naalöyö'
5 = tsivot
6 = navay
7 = tsange'
8 = nanal
9 = pept
10 = pakwt
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